tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40516394834981008082024-02-20T06:06:19.781-08:00Road to Recovery and MommyhoodJenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-59772612820862959372014-01-03T15:50:00.001-08:002014-01-03T15:50:26.496-08:00To a New Year Now that life has come back to normal, I thought I'd check in and update on how I'm doing. Mostly good. I have loved the ability to take care of my family. Anna has been so good and is amazingly smart and funny. She constantly cracks us up. We went home for Thanksgiving and stayed here, in Utah, for Christmas. After this year, we decided that we'll plan on doing it like this every year, depending on our situation. It was a lot of fun to doing our own traditions and Skyping with families.<br />
<br />
I won't lie to you though. I've had moments of serious depression. Looking back on what happened makes me incredibly sad that I've cried until I felt numb. I know that everything happens for a reason and I'm okay with that. I just can't help feeling upset that it happened at all. Especially, at times when I would have reached certain milestones. Halloween, I would have announced publicly that I was pregnant. The Monday before Christmas I would have been 20 weeks and finding out the gender. It's hard to not feel a certain amount of self pity. I know I shouldn't, but I'm imperfect. I would be completely dishonest if I said that I'm always okay. I keep a little piece of what happened with me all the time.<br />
<br />
I still know that there's a someone waiting to join our family, but I don't feel the same amount of urgency that I did before. For now, I'm taking a break from actively trying to get pregnant. There's still a good amount of weight for me to lose, so I'm using this New Year to restart that focus. I've already made plans and set rewards for myself (because that's how I stay motivated). If I get pregnant before then, then I will be so happy, but I'm not planning anything. If I don't get pregnant in a few months after losing a good amount of weight, I'll reevaluate things then. Like I said, right now my focus is on getting back to a better figure.<br />
<br />
I love my little family and I'm excited for it to get bigger. I hope that through working on my weight, I'll be able to work on my mind and bring it the peace it needs to move on. This year will be interesting and Ty and I have made a few goals for our family. Mostly, ways to stay active and places in Utah to go. This will give us an opportunity to get out and enjoy life more fully, together. As Anna gets older I want her to have memories of us doing things together and I want to be able to keep those things up with any other kids we have. Here's to a New Year! Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-53678799482963109842013-09-23T16:43:00.000-07:002013-09-28T16:36:14.249-07:00Tender Mercies It's been a long time since I last wrote on this blog. Life happened. What else can I say? We had our beautiful daughter, Anna, and she has grown into a funny and spunky little toddler. She's amazing and will constantly surprise us with how smart she is. We adore her. She is such a blessing in our lives.<div><br></div><div> After Anna was born, I knew we shouldn't wait long before trying again for another. However, I held fast to the plan of losing the weight I had gained with pregnancy before having another child. I had hoped that breast feeding would help, but it was much more of a hindrance in that way than I originally thought. It took a long time before I felt ready and I still haven't lost all the weight. When it's time, though, you can't really argue with what you know Heavenly Father has need of you to do. </div><div><br></div><div> These past few weeks have been quite out of the ordinary. I want to share my experiences and this is the safest place I could think of. I don't mind who sees it or how many, but it's not something I know how to express to a large group without coming off as trying to seek attention. That's not what this is. It's just me releasing it from myself, a way to file it away and not be consumed by it. </div><div><br></div><div> My first post on this blog, I shared my miscarriage experience. This will be somewhat different. Let me just get started. We have been trying for another baby since about February. In July, I made a stronger effort to lose weight and was doing really well and being very consistent with my workouts. Then, the Tuesday after Labor Day, when both of our parents had left to go back to Washington, I had a very strong impression to take a pregnancy test. It was POSITIVE! I was only four weeks along and I knew I was setting myself up for the torture of not being able to tell anyone. However, I was just too excited that this blessing was happening. That first week I was having low back pain and couldn't control anxieties I was having about things going smoothly. I tried taking it easier and switch my workouts to prenatal yoga hoping that it would relax the tension that my body was creating. It helped some, but the pain always seemed to return in full force later on. </div><div><br></div><div> The next Tuesday morning (5 weeks) I woke up with what felt like intense gas pains. I couldn't lie down because it was so uncomfortable and even standing gave no relief. I though maybe I just needed to pass gas or go to the bathroom. I did whatever I could think of, but nothing helped. Then, I started to bleed. Not heavily, still light, but the color was either bright red or dark. This was an ominous sign to me. That what I had been hoping for was ending before it really had a chance to get started. My mind went to my earlier miscarriage and I felt no hope. By the end of the night I was sure I was experiencing yet another miscarriage. </div><div><br></div><div> The bleeding was still light in flow, but dark in color and lasted only two days. My sister-in-law had told me she had experienced the same during one of her pregnancies and I'll admit a small amount of hope return. I still couldn't could completely shake the feeling that it was over, however. The bleeding came back intermittently, in the same form. I was beginning to be frustrated. Despite wanting another child and muscle testing telling me things were fine, I felt more comfortable saying that this pregnancy had ended. That trying to hope for something that just wasn't really happening was forcing hope. We talked with Ty's dad and he confirmed with muscle testing that I had had a miscarriage. </div><div><br></div><div> Monday (6 weeks), I woke up around 5 AM, again with intense pains that I associated with gas pains. Immediately, I went into the bathroom. My abdomen was in so much pain, as well as rectal and vaginal region. I also became light headed and nauseated. I could feel the need to throw up, but was concerned that if I did, I would pass out. After trying to work through on my own for a bit, I called for Ty and he luckily heard me the first time and came to my aid. </div><div><br></div><div> I told him what I was feeling and that I needed to hold onto him for support. Eventually, I did throw up, but it did nothing to relieve my abdominal pain or the lightheadedness. After awhile, I was so exhausted and just wanted to lie down. Even though I was still in pain, with Ty's help, I was able to lay in bed and managed to get some sleep. Ty worked from home that day to take care of Anna and myself. We're really blessed that we have that option. I stayed in bed most of the day and noticed a pain in neck and shoulders had developed. I couldn't move from side to side without pain, I couldn't breathe properly. Laughing or crying caused pain. In general, I was a mess. </div><div><br></div><div> The next day, Tuesday, I felt a little better. The pain in my neck and shoulders was gone and that provided the most relief. I still had trouble standing, walking, and sitting for the most part. However, I had Visiting Teaching planned and thought I should at least try to get ready for it. In a merciful turn of events, both my partner and the lady we were to visit, cancelled and I didn't need to go. Ty was able to go to work in the afternoon and I was hopeful that I would feel better soon. </div><div><br></div><div> Wednesday morning, I continued to feel slightly better and Ty went into work. By mid afternoon, however, things reverted and it felt as bad as the first day, with the exception on the neck and shoulder pain. I couldn't lay down. The only position that provided relief was sitting on the toilet. I went back and forth from the bathroom to the living room to make sure Anna was preoccupied with enough Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I could tell things were not okay and that I needed to be looked at. I just didn't know if it should be at a clinic or the ER. I knew that Ty was going to be home a few minutes late, but when 5:30 came around, I couldn't resist calling him. It wasn't until then that I realized how bad I was really doing. In the mirror, I could see how pale I had become in a short time and my voice sounded off as well. He answered and said he was just leaving and would go get something for dinner and would be home soon. I said okay, but inside, I wanted him to come straight home. </div><div><br></div><div> As I was on the phone with him, I could feel myself becoming more lightheaded, but thought I could breathe through it. Almost immediately after hanging up, I could feel myself falling to the ground, but don't have memory of it. Next thing I knew, Ty was calling my name from my phone. Somehow, I had called him again. I told him that he needed to come home. That something was very wrong. He said he was coming home and that I was freaking him out. I responded that I was freaking out. He asked if he needed to call an ambulance and I said maybe. He said that he was hurrying and would be home soon. We hung up and I tried to get back up to sitting on the toilet. As soon as I did, I felt myself falling again. Once again, I passed out and when I regained consciousness I was laying on the floor. I must have bit my tongue, but otherwise was unharmed. Anna had been in our room and kept walking around me acting upset. I told her to go watch her Mickey and very slowly tried to get ready to leave. </div><div><br></div><div> When Ty came home, I told him I was not okay. He took Anna down into the car and then came back to get me and anything we would need. As we walked down the stairs, I told Ty that I had a suspicion it was a ectopic pregnancy because many of my symptoms fit. The drive to the hospital was not pleasant as every bump caused me pain. When we arrived at the ER, Ty helped me to a seat and then went to park the car and bring in Anna. As soon as I sat down, it felt like I was going to pass out, yet again. Before I knew it, nurses were helping me up and onto a gurney and rolling me away to an ER room. Immediately, they started hooking me up to all kinds of things in both arms. Ty had told them when he walked in that I had had a positive pregnancy test and was now having abdominal pain (which is why I was taken care of so swiftly). The ER doctor asked me about it and I explained what had happened and that I thought it might be an ectopic pregnancy. </div><div><br></div><div> She did a quick ultrasound and then brought in an ultrasound tech to do a more thorough one to confirm. I was doing fine and then they put a triangular bolster under my hips and the pain returned. The pressing on my lower abdomen for the ultrasound only made it worse. The pain didn't go away when she finished or when the bolster was removed. The doctor confirmed that I had a tubal pregnancy and it appeared to have ruptured. She told me that the OB would be there shortly to explain more and what would happen next. </div><div><br></div><div> Shortly after that, once again, I felt like I was going pass out. I told the nurse sitting next to me and he calmly helped me work through it. At the same time, the OB came in. He was very kind and held my hand as he explained what was going on. I had a tubal pregnancy that had ruptured and he would need to do surgery to repair the damage. He explained the laparoscopic surgery and what would happen. They were asking me questions, but it was so hard to answer them because I was focusing so hard on not passing out. It did finally pass and they started getting me ready for surgery. </div><div><br></div><div> At that point, they were just waiting for the anesthesiologist. Because of the constant passing out, the ER doctor was concerned about getting my blood transfusion early enough and was considering putting in a central line into my neck. Luckily, they were able to contact the anesthesiologist and they were able to put the IV in my arm. Soon they were wheeling me off to the OR. Before going in, I said quick goodbyes and gave kisses to Ty and Anna. As I rolled into the OR, I couldn't help thinking how ironic the situation was considering my preferred birth plans. I told the crew, "You wanna know something funny? I had a home birth." We all laughed, but agreed that for this situation it was definitely the appropriate place to be. </div><div><br></div><div> They put the oxygen mask on me and soon I fell into unconsciousness. When I woke up, I had thought I dreamt everything, but then realized where I was. Coming out of anesthesia is very strange. It was also very late, so I would have been normally tired anyway. No matter how tired I was though, I wouldn't be able to ignore the pain. I rated it at an 8 or 9. When they took me to my recovery room, Ty was already there waiting. I love him. </div><div><br></div><div> I was put on Percocet and Ibuprofen for my pain and it helped manage it well. When I saw my OB the next day he explained what had taken place. The rupture had caused me to bleed internally and he had to do an open surgery. Meaning my incision is like a ceseasan. He had to remove 3 units/over 1 liter of blood. He also had to clean my organs because they were covered in blood. Last, but not least, he had to remove my left Fallopian tube. My ovary is fine, but there was too much damage to the tube. He told us that this would decrease our chances of getting pregnant by 15-20%. However, there are options like IVF. We'll see what the future brings, but I'm staying optimistic. </div><div><br></div><div> Because of my type of surgery and incision, the doctor required me to stay at the hospital at least until that Saturday. Anna stayed with Ty's brother and his wife and we were told she was an angel. Ty was able to stay with me the whole time in the hospital and work from his laptop. I will never stop being grateful for that. After my catheter was removed I was required to walk at least three times a day. This was impossible without assistance. Ty helped me with everything that required me to get out of bed. If true love is seeing your significant other at their worst and loving them anyway, then Ty is more madly in love with me than I ever knew. Which makes me love him all the more. </div><div><br></div><div> All the time in the hospital we didn't see our lovely girl and missed her immensely. When Ty's brother, Nathan, arrived with our baby girl, we were so excited. In the next couple of days, we realized the effect our crazy surprise had on her. We are in the habit of explaining ahead of time any change or big event to her because this has always prepared her well. After we talked to her and explained how much we missed her and why we had let her stay with Nathan and Celia, she returned to her sweet self. </div><div><br></div><div> My mom arrived on Tuesday evening and will be here for the next couple of weeks. At least until I've recovered. Anna is loving having her Nana here and my mom is over the moon to spend time with her as well. </div><div><br></div><div> It wasn't until I came home and had time to myself that I was able to fully process what had happened. I felt guilty for not going in sooner. For not being able to explain to Anna earlier so she didn't feel blind sighted. For all the work and stress it put on Ty. I felt sad because everything happened so fast that I hardly had a chance to grieve something I lost. Sad because now I have this incision that keeps me from just going back to normal right after all of this. Sad because of the pain. I'm doing better now, though I'm still anxious for our lives to return to normal. The greatest consolation in all of this is that I have a great faith in knowing that there's a spirit waiting to join our family. Someday they will. I'm not sure how or when, but it will happen. </div><div><br></div><div> I haven't talked to many people about it all. Most in the ward of our church don't know. Really only my visiting teacher and my visiting teaching partner know, who are both amazing and brought meals over. And our families. Everyone who is informed has been lovely. </div><div><br></div><div> I just hope that this can somehow be a remedy for something or someone. This whole life thing is hard. I'd like to believe that any difficult experiences we have or trials we face are not just to strengthen us or give us something to learn, but to help others through their own tragedies. We can only strive to buoy each other. </div>Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-25391555218212121142012-01-31T22:36:00.000-08:002012-01-31T22:36:47.099-08:00Update on my crazy For those of you who endured my rantings yesterday, you'll be happy to know that I'm feeling better, albeit still continuously emotional. I've had many, what we called in massage school, ERs. Otherwise known as Emotional Releases. It seems I'm no longer capable of watching even the most simplistic of kind gestures on television without my eyes expelling crocodile tears. However, many of the stresses I had yesterday before my midwife appointment are put to rest and I have calmed from PANIC/STRESS/HOLYCRAZINESS mode to "I'd-like-to-hurry-and-get-this-stuff-done-before-she-gets-here" mode. I ran off my list of things to my midwife and she was able to give answers I needed to feel at peace with everything. As my sister-in-law put it, I'm feeling ready to be done and I think it's all just getting to me. Little things drive me crazy. This morning our toilet clogged (it's become a repeat offender, but this was really bad) and my husband had to run out to get a better plunger and a "snake" just in case. He's my Superman and was able to take care of it, but seriously. Throughout the day there were other things that just made me feel like I wanted to give up. It just seems like there's always a little something and I so easily fall into the grasps of irritability and frustration. What can I say? I have weaknesses. Which apparently are exacerbated during pregnancy. Right now, I'm just trying to relax and focus on get the things done that I need to. Most importantly, I'm going to focus on my little girl being healthy and and what it will be like seeing her beautiful little face. Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-22350675641802556542012-01-30T14:13:00.000-08:002012-01-30T19:07:28.331-08:00Hormontional I've prided myself on the fact that I haven't been overly emotional during pregnancy. I grew up with my dad always telling us to stop crying (I think it was mostly when we were in trouble and he might have thought we were trying to get out of it) and even so I've realized it's okay to cry and let go of the emotions that I'm holding inside, crying is still something I don't do so easily. Part of it is wanting to avoid the headache that inevitably follows afterwards. Now that I'm more accepting of my right to cry, I almost wish that I would cry more. When I'm with others and they are experiencing an emotion that makes them cry, I don't understand why I don't because I feel that emotion. Well, in the last few weeks I've gained the ability to be weepy over just about anything.<br />
<br />
The worst part is that my hormones are causing this unnatural effect on me. I'm overwhelmed with so many feelings, most of which I wouldn't classify as positive. I'm stressing to get everything for her before she gets here. I hope I have enough clothes, diapers, wipes. Still trying to figure out what bottles to use (I'm planning on breastfeeding exclusively, but it's always good to be prepared). There are things I bought used that need to be cleaned (carseat and base, co-sleeper, stroller, pack n' play, and high chair) and going to have to be washed in the bathtub. We still have to get the birth tub from our midwife and we'll have to clean that and the hose, when we do. The connector piece she gave us doesn't work with our faucet so I'm not sure what will be done about that. I'm continuously concerned that our little girl is healthy, strong, and that everything is going alright. I'm worried if I'm doing everything I'm supposed to to ensure that by eating right. I'm not always the best at doing this, so I feel guilty. I've lost some mucus that was light green and from what I've read, it could mean a variety of things; an infection, it could be my mucus plug (apparently they don't have to be white/brown and bloody) and baby could be on her way soon, or baby girl had her first bowel movement. The different possibilities are making me feel worried and overwhelmed.<br />
<br />
So let's recap. Overwhelmed, stressed, concerned, worried, guilty, more worried, and more overwhelmed. Basically, I'm driving myself nuts here. To add to it, I'm anxious for her to be here and for all this pregnancy discomfort to be over. Getting all the aforementioned tasks done will provide a great relief. As will, I'm hoping, the pedicure I have planned for this week. My toes are looking awful and my feet need some much needed lovin'.Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-84949165262796629692012-01-03T13:02:00.001-08:002012-01-04T07:32:06.232-08:00Preview to Motherhood This last week between Christmas and New Years, Ty and I stayed at his parents house and while there we were able to help his brother and sister-in-law with their month old twin boys. For a few days I was able to take a glimpse into what would be in store for us in only a couple months. I've always loved holding babies and caring forthem, while imagining what life would be like with my own. Hard work and endurance are key players in this game. Somehow, these parents are able to do it with a two year old. No easy task, let me tell you. Twins, on their own, are a tiring challenge. The boys were eating constantly and had diaper changes almost as regularly. Celia and Nathan have formed a schedule of shifts in order to get sleep, while also making sure the babies are taken care of. Ty and I would stay up with Celia during her shift until 3AM before succumbing to the growing call of sleep. The last night we were there, I barely made it as my eyes continually drooped while holding a baby. Out of necessity, Celia pushes through until about 4, when age wakes up Nathan for him to begin his shift.
<br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=12/01/03/1928.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/12/01/03/s_1928.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />
This schedule continues for them and while it might seem normal for some, consider that TWO babies are been fed about every two hours (if not more frequent), burped, and given diaper changes. I was continually, mentally, giving thanks we are only having the one baby this time. There's barely enough time to take care of your own needs when focusing on one small human, let alone two. At one point I actually managed to feed both babies at the same time. An accomplishment I'm quite proud of. :). Still though, I don't envy the parents of multiples in the least. Mostly, I admire them for their strength and will power and faith that this is all worth it. As the time approaches for our little girl to arrive, I anxiously consider what her temperament will be like and hope she's more like her father than her mother in some ways. She will be loved regardless, but I'm hoping that in amongst the feedings, bathings, and sleepless nights, we will be blessed to have the ability to give her everything she needs and still make just a little room for our own. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
<br />Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-88686922974071247632011-12-14T12:08:00.000-08:002011-12-14T13:41:30.283-08:00My Naive Assumption of Pregnancy <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">***I apologize for not posting on this blog sooner. I've just been trying to keep up with the main one that this one slipped out of my conscience thinking.***</span></i><br />
<br />
When I thought of pregnancy, I imagined the some of the uncomfortableness that comes along with it. I imagined the morning sickness, waking up and running to the bathroom. I imagined getting bigger and getting less sleep. That's not to say that I'm having a super terrible, horribly uncomfortable pregnancy. I think I've had a pretty good pregnancy so far. Mostly, I think I just never really considered how uncomfortable I would get (and still will get). I tried to focus on the positive aspects. Like the fact that I would be miraculously carrying a child inside of me. Getting excited every time they moved. Somehow I missed the step where I would need to remember that I would get kicked in the ribs. I firmly believe that women with shorter torsos are beat up most often during pregnancy. :) While I'm thrilled to be pregnant and that I finally know I'm able to be, it's not all sunshine daisies either. <br />
<br />
Sleeping is difficult as I have to find the most comfortable position, but when I do chances are it doesn't last long and I need to re-situate myself. That task has taken on a whole new meaning. Even though my belly isn't full term, it's still carrying a larger than normal load in front and it makes turning from side to side an event. Not only that, but I also have to take the extra pillows I use to be "comfortable" with me. I have four pillows total when I go to bed. The regular pillow for my head, a small rounded pillow for neck support (used whether pregnant or not), a pillow for underneath my belly for support, and my body pillow for between my legs for hip support. Imagine all of this moving and shuffling about just to switch sides to sleep on. It's quite the spectacle I'm sure. Unfortunately, more than once has this escapade has disturbed my husband's sleep. He's wonderful though and tries to help me as much as he can.<br />
<br />
The hardest part might be that I'm no longer able to use those ab muscles I worked on for months and months. They are idly sitting back waiting to be used after the baby is born. It's a sort of strange phenomenon to consciously not use a part of your body you thought you almost never used regularly. Sitting up, getting off the couch, picking things up off the floor, moving things around, laundry. I'm a pretty independent person and I've always enjoyed that I can do things for myself. However, I'm more and more relying on Ty to help me or flat out do things for me. I can't bring the laundry down or up to our room anymore, nor can I lift the basket to put in a load into the washer. Sometimes, getting off the couch by myself requires scooting or laying on my side and sort of rolling off. There are times where I absolutely am not able to put on my socks and shoes, without Ty pretty much doing it for me. I'd go for the flats, but baby it's cold outside.<br />
<br />
I love my little girl, but I'm excited for her to be out of my body where we can hold her and see her and I'm able to function normally. It's funny the things you miss. At the moment I'm fighting off a cold and I'm only using home remedies to cure what ails me. (i.e. Lots of oranges, soup, honey & cinnamon, and tissues.....a LOT of tissues.) What I wouldn't give to take some Mucinex! I'm looking forward to being out of this illness so that I can focus and concentrate on baking up a storm.<br />
<br />
I will admit to you though, that I've used being pregnant as a crutch to not do things. Something I really need to get out of the habit of. I'm pregnant, not broken. Lazy, but not broken. ;) I CAN do things. I was reminded of this when I read <a href="http://blog.cjanerun.com/2011/12/erin-carolines-birth-story.html?m=0">CJane's post on her latest birth experience</a>. The woman is amazing and reinspired me for my own planned home birth. There are definitely days (like right now because I'm sick) that the energy to do anything has left me completely. However, I have to remember that labor and birth are going to be physically draining and not a breezy walk in the park. Yoga, yoga, yoga.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Anyone else have a false sense of what pregnancy was like before getting pregnant?</div>Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-25628845900163484492011-10-05T22:36:00.000-07:002011-10-05T22:36:47.990-07:00Seeing Pink I've been a bit absent from this blog as of late, but all is well if not crazy. I have some posts in mind, so it's just a matter of taking the time, sitting down, and writing them out. Until then, check over to my <a href="http://tyandjennyrobbins.blogspot.com/2011/09/gender-revealed.html">"main"</a> blog to see what we found out at our ultrasound. Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-1844216183601445682011-09-01T10:20:00.000-07:002011-09-01T10:20:36.457-07:00Holy Bra Size! One of the first indicators that I was pregnant, in the beginning, was sore breasts. I had experienced it before when an upcoming cycle was about to begin, but this was earlier, longer-lasting, and hurt a whole heck of a lot more. Occasionally, they will still some moments of pain, but it hasn't been too horrible. If you'll remember, or calculate back, I was still in the midst of loosing weight when I found out that I was pregnant. Lots of things failed to fit me anymore. My bras were some of them. Even though I knew I was pregnant and that my chest would grow to the size of cantaloupes, I found relief in smaller sized bras. However, I feel now like my frontal area has exploded within the last few weeks. Though my belly is certainly growing (pics to come eventually), I'm almost sure that half of the 6 pounds I've gained are all in my breasts. GaAAAAHhh! I'm used to them being larger, since remember I lost 40 pounds before getting pregnant, but this is the part of pregnancy I've always dreaded. My size is confusing to me. I've been told I look like I'm a D or DD, but I wear a C. In fact, I've just switched back to the bras I had to replace because they were too big and they still feel a little "unfulfilled". That won't last long I'm sure. I knew my tummy would become more rotund and protrude, but this bodily change is what's making me realize just how much change my body has been and will be going through. It's a little insane. Stop the MADNESS!!!!Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-46350491302541590672011-08-18T21:28:00.000-07:002011-08-18T21:28:47.579-07:00Ligament Pains So for some reason this isn't something that many people talk about. However, when I've gotten to the point of slightly freaking out about it and talk to someone I find that it's normal and common. There are times when you maybe wonder if these are tiny contractions. In reality, your ligaments stretching and your body is growing to to be capable of holding a little being. One of the girls at Ty work is pregnant and we had a get together at another person's house and while we were there she asked me if I had experienced them. I think we were both glad to talk to someone else who was going through the same things at the same time. Both of us were frustrated that no one talks about it if it's not a big deal. At the same time women who haven't experienced it before are so worried and they don't want to mention admit to something being maybe wrong so they don't talk about it. I think this is something I'll be making sure to mention to friends and family member who are going through their first time so they understand that things are still normal. Obviously, there is a point where there is a problem and it isn't normal, but I think once you understand what is typical and what isn't you'll know better. Right? What do you guys think? Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-59032268514649279312011-08-13T11:24:00.000-07:002011-08-13T11:24:56.870-07:00Overuse of the word? I'm pregnant. Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant. And it seems that I like to slip that into conversation whenever possible. For instance: "When I first found out I was pregnant", "Since being pregnant", "You're going to make the pregnant girl do that?", and so on and so forth. My mom stayed with us last night and as we were talking, I realized how much I was doing it. It's not really on purpose, but it's kind of a big deal in my life right now. In fact it's THE biggest deal in my life right now. Being pregnant has had it's ups and down and provided me with a lot of experiences that from time to time get shared. It's also possible that because I haven't been able to talk with my mom much since she was out of country for a month that I was trying to catch up on a lot of things. (Poor girl is still so jet-legged, she was falling asleep by the time she sat down.) Or it could be the fact that I've been waiting so long to say the words that there's a lot of "I'm pregnant!"s pent up. <br />
<br />
The real issue for me is that I don't want to become one of those really annoying girls who gets pregnant and talks about it so much it's like she's force-feeding it down your throat and you just want to slap her and walk away. No, I've never had that feeling before. ;) I truly feel incredibly blessed for this opportunity in our married lives and can't wait to meet our little child. However, I've been in that position where you are stuck sitting and waiting around for my turn while just about everyone else is sharing what's going on in their pregnancy or what their child is doing. Even if they really aren't doing it (or at least not on purpose), you feel like they are saying, "Neener neener! I'm pregnant and you're not! Haha!". There's a small part of me that feels slightly guilty for receiving this good news when so many are still waiting. Though I must say, it seems like this baby boom is rubbing off on those of us who have been waiting an extra long time. A friend of mine is finally pregnant after 12 years! Awesome! However, there are still wonderful ladies who are waiting their turn for their first and some even struggling for a second. My heart breaks and goes out to those of you who are in this situation. I hope your day comes soon. I've said this to one friend already, but I have half the box of a month's supply of ovulation tests, that helped me get pregnant, available. It's cliche, but knowing is half the battle. Just sayin'. :) <br />
<br />
So, basically, if you are around me and the word "pregnant" slips out of my lips frequently and it's driving you crazy, feel free to give me a gentle smack (I am pregnant after all) and walk away. :)Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-64535852003197953682011-08-01T15:39:00.000-07:002011-08-01T15:39:07.162-07:00Surprise, Surprise! Well, in case there is any chance that you haven't actually heard the news, I'm pregnant! It's officially real! Scary. I'm due in February and avoiding sharing the actual date so I don't get too much pressure when it actually comes around and start freaking out because it hasn't happened on that day. I'm letting this little one take the time it needs, within reason of course, and let them tell me when they are ready. I've started seeing a midwife who is also a naturopath and the goal is a natural water birth at home. I'm excited, nervous, and anxious all at the same time. Our lives are going to be changing drastically within the next year. If you want to read about how I found out and how I told my hubby check out <a href="http://tyandjennyrobbins.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-have-we-been-up-to.html">this</a> post on my regular blog. <br />
<br />
I will still be using this blog as much as possible to relay my hopes and fears of getting pregnant and becoming a mommy. Believe me, there are a plenty. I'll also be documenting my visits with my midwife, the things we talk about and cover, why I'll be choosing some tests over others. Posting on both blogs will be difficult though, so don't be surprised if I just end up posting a link to a post every once in awhile. Anywho, I'm feeling very blessed and have really appreciated the lovely words of Congratulations from everyone who has spotted our news. Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-29310295831384603082011-06-20T11:37:00.000-07:002011-06-20T11:37:09.690-07:00Update Last time I wrote I told you all about how anxious I was feeling. I've been feeling much better since then and have been continuing my weight loss efforts. As of today, I have nothing to feel anxious about as I have officially lost 41.5 lbs. and my current weight is sitting at 128.5 lbs. I'm excited and thrilled. I'm so happy to finally have not only reached my goal, but passed it. It's wonderful. For now, I plan on maintaining and maybe someday soon it will lead me to my true ultimate goal of becoming Mommy. :)Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-75410785443439786472011-05-31T23:20:00.000-07:002011-05-31T23:20:32.417-07:00Feeling Anxious That's how I'm feeling right this second. It will probably pass by tomorrow, the next day, or the end of the week. Not sure yet. I'm sort of surrounded by babies. I have two sisters-in-law who are due to give birth pretty much any second, one who just announced a pregnancy and to top it off they found out today they are having twins! (yay), and I'll be attending a baby blessing on Sunday for a brand new nephew. Anybody wanna take a guess as to why I'm so anxious? :) I'm so happy for these wonderful women in my life, but I'm feeling just a little selfish at the moment. I crave the feeling of joy and excitement and nerve wracking terror that these ladies are experiencing. Hopefully, that day will come soon enough for me, but I'm just wanting it so much. Patience was never something I was very good at. I'll try though. <br />
<br />
My problem is that I let my envy control me far too much. Can I just tell you? I love my life right now. I always think to myself, "I won the husband lottery." How on earth did I find this man? While seeking for my eternal companion, I was pretty jaded along the way. Who knew that this particular man was being saved just for me? Was that a tear? NO! WHAT?! Okay, I might tearing up quite a bit. What can I say? My husband is truly incredible and I can't believe how blessed I am that we are still, after 4 years of being together and 3 years of that being married, ridiculously, cheesy in love. That never once has he looked at me and thought I was unattractive, even through all my weight gain. Is that even possible?! To this day, I proudly admit that we have never had a fight. That's not to say we haven't had our share of disagreements or moments of strong frustration, but we've never reached a point where we've raised our voices and things are always resolved quickly. He constantly thanks me for EVERYTHING I do and I sooo appreciate it. <br />
<br />
As for the things that don't matter quite as much, we live in a good neighborhood, in a nice home, have a great church family that I'm still enjoying getting to know. We paid off a credit card and only have one left with debt that will hopefully be paid off within the next year. There's nothing wrong with our car. We have some amazing family and friends who are always there to support us. I lost 35 POUNDS!!!! and now am at my high school weight. I'm only 5 lbs. away from my goal weight.<br />
<br />
Yeah, I'm blessed. I'm feeling a little less anxious now. Thanks for reading my rant. :)Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-76436397195109677662011-05-09T11:53:00.000-07:002011-05-09T11:53:00.615-07:00Mother's Day for the Babyless I have to admit that this day was harder than I thought it would be. I thought I would be able to think of this day as any other and let it just pass by. However, when I woke up in the morning and I realized that it was my fourth Mother's Day being married and the third in which I thought I would have a true reason to celebrate it, I was saddened by the idea. Hormones are at work here so that definitely explains a lot of it, but regardless, I wasn't feeling well and neither was Ty and so I was able to avoid the anxiety of being in church with the many mothers. I don't think I would really want to hear all about how motherhood has been such a blessing to others and how mothers are such amazing people. Then the awkwardness as kids pass out the designated gifts for mothers and unsure if they should give one to me because I'm without kids. I'm doing better today, but I just wanted to vent that out of my system. I really do hope the many mothers around me had a very special Mother's Day and that all of you were spoiled by your husbands and children. You so deserve it! :) Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-68952177668019062792011-05-04T12:27:00.000-07:002011-05-04T12:27:56.242-07:00Hello Dear Friends! Well, I've been preoccupied and distracted to say the least. The last four months are all a little bit of a blur to me as I try to recap them in my mind. I started out the year at 170 lbs. For a little ol' 5'2" gal like myself that's a whole lot of extra baggage to be carrying around. It all started when I was dating my now hubby, Ty. Within our 9 month courtship I gained 5 pounds. No big deal. Then we got married and I swiftly settled into how comfortable I was with him and my culinary skills (or lack thereof) were not helping. We ate out a lot in the beginning and then I discovered a cookbook that helped me come up with a meal plan that really sunk me into a hole full of yummy food and extra weight. By that Christmas I was already at 150 and by the following summer I was at the heaviest I'd ever been at 170. UGH. Not cool Dave. I lost about 10 pounds after going on a diet "prescribed" to be by my chiropractor. Then my miscarriage happened and I gained all that back. I did HCG for awhile, but it wasn't working for me so I left it in the dust. Deciding <u><i><b>I</b></i></u> needed to take charge of my weight loss I started working out and counting calories, which helped me loose 9 lbs. and put me back in the mid-150's. Theeeen Thanksgiving and Christmas happened. Need I say more? By New Year's I hit my 170 mark again. After nearly 4 months I'm back down to 141.5 (almost my wedding weight)! <br />
<br />
I think you can understand why I've been neglecting this blog quite a bit. My regular blog has also taken a little bit of a hit considering my weight loss journey has pretty much taken priority over everything. However, I do need to be better about taking pictures of the other things I do. Life is amazing right now. Which is really the basis of this post. My weight loss has been so consuming that I haven't given much thought to the whole getting pregnant business. It's been good to have this project to use as my focus and I will continue concentrating on maintaining once I've lost all of my weight. It's hard work, but I'm so pleased with how far I've come. Another benefit to loosing the weight is that once I do conceive, I won't feel as though I have as much to loose as I would if I had gotten pregnant sooner. Horrah for me!Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-28792703695239260892011-01-25T00:53:00.000-08:002011-01-25T00:59:33.282-08:00Epiphany Lately, my body has been having issues to say the least. In our family, we turn to muscle testing (also know as Applied Kinesiology). Ty's dad has become our family go to person for this. Some of the things we have learned about it have been really interesting. For instance, a few days ago when I had my negative pregnancy test I started feeling bad, for a lack of a better word at the moment, and it progressively got worse throughout the day without any cause. This feeling lasted for days! On Sunday we asked my father-in-law to do some testing for me for energy and the cravings I've been having with my diet. One of the results was that I had a trapped darkness in accordance with my energy. There was the word I was looking for to put to the feeling that I was having. A Darkness.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the point of this is that I have become pretty good at being in tune with my body and emotions. I have a tendency to take the time to figure out why I do things or act a certain way. Recently, I sort of had this epiphany about myself. I haven't forgiven my body for having a miscarriage and still not being able to get pregnant. It's almost as though my mind and my body are in a silent treatment argument with each other. It sounds a little off, but let me divulge a little bit.<br />
<br />
Let's say I saw a really amazing purse that I really, really wanted. Many friends and relatives have the same style of purse and seeing them with theirs is hard since I know how much I would like to have it. However, as much as I want it I can't afford to buy it. Or something just keeps coming up and I'm not able to get it. Finally, my husband gets it for me as a gift. Before I can really enjoy it though, a friend takes it and basically ruins it and it's destroyed. I could tell you right now that that friend wouldn't be a friend for a whole lot longer. How could they just take something when they knew how much it meant to me to have it?<br />
<br />
Do you see the similitude here? The friend is my body (because for better or worse you should be a friend to yourself) and the purse is a baby. If a friend had taken something from me like that, it would really hard for me to forgive them completely and trust them once again. I feel like that's my situation with my mind and my body. When I had my miscarriage, I had my time to be angry with my Heavenly Father, but I never thought about forgiving myself and letting my body off the hook for it. There's a strong possibility that I will have more muscle testing done to relieve the trapped emotions from this newly realized issue. As well as a lot of prayer and spiritual guidance. It's amazing what we learn about ourselves if we just take the time to listen.Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-88386942876805487092011-01-23T08:20:00.000-08:002011-01-23T08:20:28.538-08:00My insides are having issues There are times where I feel like my body doesn't know what it wants. Ugh. After I took the pregnancy test and found out that I'm (again) not pregnant, I think I took it harder than I was letting on, on here. Then, yesterday I had a little bit of spotting, not much. In fact it seemed like it was doing the same thing it had done a few weeks ago. By the end of the day it was gone. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? My guess: Eating all those sweets and bad, bad junk food had a negative effect on my system. You know how some girls who are too heavy don't get their period. I think I was going through the same thing. Which is weird because the last time I had gotten to this weight, I had my period for like a month and a half to two months. Yeah, my cycles suck. Anyway, I think it stopped this time. And working out and loosing weight is like jump starting it. Either way, it's just frustrating and I'm so far past done with it and just want to be normal.Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-28600323859407169942011-01-20T11:15:00.000-08:002011-01-20T11:15:00.265-08:00There you have it Remember last time I posted about not having my "O" day, but that I had some spotting when I was due for my period? Well, I tested today (two weeks later) to see if maybe there was something good happening. Nope. Once again, I received a negative result. Ya know, I'm kinda tired of those. It's really gotten quite old. At the same time, I think of it as a good thing. As I try to loose weight right now, it would really hinder me from meeting my goals. Not that it would be the end of the world. I would just like to get to a good weight before I pack more on with a baby. And that's something I NEED to do for me. <br />
<br />
I've been watching Biggest Loser and this season Sara has touched my heart deeply. I did a little bit of digging and put the pieces together that she is LDS. Yay! We also were both married in March of 2008. Um, AWESOME. So basically, we've both been trying to have babies for the same amount of time. Can you see why I feel so connected to her story? When I watched the premiere episode and it showed Sarah and her story, I looked at my husband and said NBC were really big jerks. ;) I think a lot of women will be able to relate to her story and I'm so glad that she has been brave enough to share it. You can join Sarah's Facebook fan page <a href="http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=109332569086342">here</a>. <br />
<br />
In the end I want to have the same goal that Sarah has. Not let the reason I can't carry a baby be my weight. If my body isn't meant to get pregnant, fine. However, I won't let it be because of something I could have prevented. Who's with me?!Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-73418898307765519992011-01-13T00:48:00.000-08:002011-01-20T09:22:47.142-08:00Where's my "O" day? I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since Christmas. We loved hanging out with family, but it's been so great to be home. December seemed to fly by and I can tell January is going to be much the same.<br />
<br />
Okay, so about the title. Though, I was determined to be relaxed and enjoy my husband, I was still a little taunted by the continuous negative results of my ovulation tests throughout December. I tested every day beginning on Day 10 of my cycle and finished on Day 20. I can never make sense of those blasted lines that are supposed to give you a quite serious answer, so I use digital ones to be completely sure. Yes, they are more expensive, but I think it's worth it if I don't have to second guess. I digress. Amongst all that testing, I never once saw a positive smiley face. Whereas, the month previous I did. Grrrrrrrr. Then on my Day 30, I had some spotting for about a day and that was it. Nothing else. What am I supposed to do with that?! Lately, I've been feeling pretty tired. ALL DAY LONG. It prompts me to think that I might be pregnant, since that's what happened with my pregnancy before. However, my experience has made me extremely cautious. I haven't even said it out loud or mentioned it to my hubby.<br />
<br />
For now, I decided I'm going to focus and concentrate on loosing weight. All that "holiday cheer" I was digesting put me back at my heaviest and I'm wanting to retreat from it as soon as possible. I've devised a <a href="http://whatyouputinyourbelly.blogspot.com/2011/01/long-time-no-post.html">plan</a> and have already put it into action. Within a couple of weeks (or days if I get too anxious) I'll test and find out for sure if I'm carrying something more than just extra weight. I'll tell you, it's difficult for me to not daydream that it is and that I can soon facebook announce with everyone else that I've pregnancy news to share. Thoughts like that can be good, but very dangerous at the same time. I want to let myself feel that surge of hope and anticipation. The last 2 1/2 years of disappointment keep me from getting too comfortable with the idea.<br />
<br />
I want to take a minute to thank those who have commented, emailed, and took the time to share your stories with me. Every time I read something from one of you, my heart grows full and I know that WE are not alone. We are each unique in our circumstance and situation in life and yet there is one thing that brings us together. We are women who truly want to be good and loving mothers. You all have inspired me to not loose hope and carry on. Did you all know how amazing you are? Because it's absolutely true! Thank you again for your love and supportive words.Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-66178154662597892282010-12-24T08:46:00.000-08:002010-12-24T08:46:46.361-08:00Dear Santa, This is year, what I really want is a baby. Or to more realistically, to get pregnant. If you could sprinkle some magic baby dust on me that would be good, as long as it hasn't expired. Does that stuff ever expire? I know I asked for this last year, and the year before, but I think wires might have gotten crossed because it seems like everyone else got pregnant. Don't worry. I'm not mad. Let's just see if we can have better luck this year. <br />
<br />
Anyway, I hope the reindeer are good and you travel safe. Last night there was a lot of fog in our town, so you might want to polish Rudolph's nose for optimal brightness. <br />
<br />
Thanks! And Merry Christmas!<br />
<br />
JennyJenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-29863687130623480532010-12-22T10:36:00.000-08:002010-12-22T17:49:06.048-08:00Enjoying The Process When trying to have a baby, we put so much pressure on ourselves to "tell secrets" to our partners on the right days that it becomes more work than the enjoyable experience that is supposed to connect you together. I get so much in my own head, "This is what we HAVE TO DO to make a baby." Or, "It has to be tonight because otherwise I won't get pregnant." The books, the websites, the statistics. They must all know what they are talking about, because I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. We all do it, and then that doesn't just put pressure on ourselves, but our partners as well.<br />
<br />
Again, I'm going to show you a video clip. What can I say? I'm a product of the TV generation. This is from Keeping up with the Kardashians, when Kourtney and Scott are trying to have another baby. Skip to 00:50 to begin with for the right part and it goes to 02:12. (Also, I'm not sure why, but the video is backwards. It won't really matter other than the words.)<br />
<br />
<object height="340" width="560"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/W34KoA_PZkE?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/W34KoA_PZkE?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br />
<br />
Lately, I've realized that we have more fun and are more relaxed because we (okay, mostly just me) changed our mindset and attitude about what we're doing. Instead of putting so much pressure on "if we don't get intimate now we're doing it all wrong and everything will be messed up", it's more of getting to enjoy each other on those days. We have "off nights" and "on nights". The waiting in between actually makes the other days more exciting and special. I guess it's about remembering that you are attracted to the other person and that's why you feel compelled to be physical.<br />
<br />
Here's another clip from the show. Kourtney just told Scott that he basically needs to do what she needs him to do in this department (and pretty rudely) and that it's not about having fun. Scott goes outside upset and Kim tells Kourtney how much she is over-thinking things and then Kourtney goes to Scott. Go to 01:34 for the right part.<br />
<br />
<object height="340" width="560"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/qzzFqYvfEoQ?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/qzzFqYvfEoQ?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br />
<br />
So, I'm not saying take the wanting-to-get-pregnant factor out of it because I KNOW how unrealistic that is. However, put the romance back in it, remember that you love each other, that that's part of why you are trying to have a baby, and don't put so much pressure on yourselves. And with that may we all love our lovers and become mommies soon!Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-20256293451553491692010-12-18T12:08:00.000-08:002010-12-18T12:08:47.486-08:00Everybody Yesterday, I was baking some yummy brownies and I had a playlist going from <a href="http://themormonbachelorette.blogspot.com/">The Mormon Bachelor(ette)</a>, and the song "Everybody" by Ingrid Michaelson came on. This is one of my favorite songs. Whenever I hear it I burst out singing along. I'm sure my neighbors are my biggest fans. The amount of times I've put that song on repeat and pushed back to hear it again shows that yesterday wasn't the first time I've heard the song. However, somehow it was the first time I heard the lyrics and really made a connection to my own situation.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/TlFCfkyuQM0?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/TlFCfkyuQM0?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br />
<br />
All of a sudden, it was like she was telling my story. When I miscarried, I felt like I had fell down and couldn't get back up. I kept trying to get myself to feel better, but what I really needed was the Lord to help me with that. I needed His love. When she sings, "Happy is the heart that still feels pain," it just rings true. "Darkness drains and light will come again," speaks of hope to me. I just need to let my Heavenly Father take that burden of sadness from me. You could really add "of/by Christ" afterward when she sings "love". I just have to be open to it.<br />
<br />
Today's a good day. I have this song on continuous repeat (I promise I'll change it to a Holiday playlist soon), all of my Christmas shopping is done, and there is snow on the ground. Life is pretty good in this moment.Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-69909567165637525142010-12-14T12:26:00.000-08:002010-12-14T12:26:56.882-08:00Good Start Yesterday, I got a good start on getting in shape. I did about 40 minutes of yoga. Confession: It was a pregnancy yoga. I'm a beginner and I don't know what I'm doing and I found it very relaxing. I did the "<a href="http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Crunch-Yoga-Mama/60036865?trkid=1211017#height1435">Crunch: Yoga Momma</a>" on Netflix Instant, if anyone is interested. Later, I got on my treadmill and did about 25 minutes. I'm going to try and train myself to actually jog/run a 5k. I know I can walk it, but I want run it. Then, when my cute husband got home he and I did some calisthenics and lifted weights for about 20 minutes or so. It felt really good be active and exercising. I want to continue this and workout every other day, until I'm super HOTT.Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-19543328674401150342010-12-11T21:45:00.000-08:002010-12-11T21:45:47.273-08:00Funny Story Earlier, I was getting ready to go a matinee with my cute husband. I was in the middle of my shower and he tells me that his parents are in town and coming over in a few minutes. Gah! I hurriedly finished the shower and then realized that the garbage needed to be emptied. Especially, if they possibly used the bathroom since I'm on my period and...well you get the picture. I took the bag out of the can and tied it, then called for my husband. He came to the top of the stairs and I asked him to throw the bag away and get a new one to replace it.<br />
<br />
"I don't really want your parents knowing I'm on my period, " I said. At that moment, my husband made a look and motion that let me know they were sitting downstairs. Sheer mortification built up inside myself. Awwwwwwwkward! <br />
<br />
After that, I went back to getting ready, though not quick enough to see his parents off before they left. Probably a good thing considering how embarrassed I was. My husband tried to assure me that they didn't hear anything, but I'm not so convinced. Ugh! We need a code or something so I can prevent future humiliation.Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4051639483498100808.post-12657948016858925422010-12-10T17:17:00.000-08:002010-12-10T17:20:25.767-08:00Speak Up and Do Something Today, two amazing ladies talked about their personal struggles with becoming mothers and what they have experienced, on two different daytime talk shows, on two different networks. On The View, Lisa Ling shared that she experienced a miscarriage recently and how it has affected her. Marissa Jaret Winokur spoke about her battle with cervical cancer and how she made the choice to move forward.<br />
<br />
<br />
<img border="0" height="0" src="http://c.gigcount.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyOTIwMjM*MTgyMzUmcHQ9MTI5MjAyMzQyNDQyNSZwPTEyNjk2MzEmZD1USEVWSUVXX1NGUF9Mb2NrZV9FbWJlZCZn/PTImbz1hYjk*Y2NiMmQ4NGM*MGFiOGUzZmY3ZTY4YTAyMjAxZiZvZj*w.gif" style="height: 0px; visibility: hidden; width: 0px;" width="0" /><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,124,0" height="260" id="ABCESNWID" width="426"><param name="movie" value="http://cdn.media.theview.tv/embedded_player/2.6.3/SFP_Walt.swf" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="allowNetworking" value="all" /><param name="flashvars" value="configUrl=http://cdn.media.theview.tv/embedded_player/2.6.3/&configId=embed_player_config.xml&clipId=194968&gig_lt=1292023418235&gig_pt=1292023424425&gig_g=2" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><embed src="http://cdn.media.theview.tv/embedded_player/2.6.3/SFP_Walt.swf" quality="high" allowScriptAccess="always" allowNetworking="all" allowfullscreen="true" pluginspage="http://www.adobe.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="426" height="260" flashvars="configUrl=http://cdn.media.theview.tv/embedded_player/2.6.3/&configId=embed_player_config.xml&clipId=194968&gig_lt=1292023418235&gig_pt=1292023424425&gig_g=2" name="ABCESNWID"></embed></object><br />
<br />
When Lisa says that she felt like a failure and how she felt so alone, I thought that is the exact feeling I experienced and I believe many others have. The point she makes about speaking up about miscarriage even though it is a sad topic. It so therapeutic and comforting to talk about it for the women who have gone through such a loss. If it's never spoken of, it feels like people are trying to push it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen. Well, just try and tell me my pregnancy didn't happen! That my pain doesn't still exist. I don't want to "suffer silently" anymore. This blog is giving my emotions a voice. Lisa has also partnered with Sophia Kim to create the site <a href="http://www.secretsocietyofwomen.com/">Secret Society of Women</a>, where women can go and give voice to their untold thoughts on a variety of subjects. <br />
<br />
<object height="270" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.cbs.com/e/P3J6I8sMFJpT6Zg1gIvdOIsW2RKHpwDS/cbs/1/" /></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed width="480" height="270" src="http://www.cbs.com/e/P3J6I8sMFJpT6Zg1gIvdOIsW2RKHpwDS/cbs/1/" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object><br />
<br />
I love Marissa. She has a beautiful spirit about her and you can just tell that she's a huggy, touchy-feeling kinda gal and she would embrace you whole-heartedly. I love how she said, "you kind of want someone to say, 'You know what, this SUCKS!". I get so tired of everyone telling me how I SHOULD be happy and to get over it. What they don't understand is that I have to come to that on my own. Like how after a week, for her, she decided she needed to be proactive and get out there and take back her life. Now she has a beautiful little son. This clip doesn't finish the rest of the segment with her and I wish that it did because she goes on to say, "Don't wait for a tragedy to really embrace your life." That renewed in me the sense that I still do have a life to be leading. If I hold myself back what kind of person and future mother would I be? What kind of example does that set for the children I WILL have someday? From today forward, I'm going to bring out a better me and do those things I've kept myself from doing. No holding back.Jenny Robbinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00032008194458045046noreply@blogger.com0