Ligament Pains

      So for some reason this isn't something that many people talk about.  However, when I've gotten to the point of slightly freaking out about it and talk to someone I find that it's normal and common.  There are times when you maybe wonder if these are tiny contractions.  In reality, your ligaments stretching and your body is growing to to be capable of holding a little being.  One of the girls at Ty work is pregnant and we had a get together at another person's house and while we were there she asked me if I had experienced them.  I think we were both glad to talk to someone else who was going through the same things at the same time.  Both of us were frustrated that no one talks about it if it's not a big deal.  At the same time women who haven't experienced it before are so worried and they don't want to mention admit to something being maybe wrong so they don't talk about it.  I think this is something I'll be making sure to mention to friends and family member who are going through their first time so they understand that things are still normal.  Obviously, there is a point where there is a problem and it isn't normal, but I think once you understand what is typical and what isn't you'll know better.  Right?  What do you guys think? 

Overuse of the word?

    I'm pregnant.  Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant.  And it seems that I like to slip that into conversation whenever possible.  For instance: "When I first found out I was pregnant", "Since being pregnant", "You're going to make the pregnant girl do that?", and so on and so forth.  My mom stayed with us last night and as we were talking, I realized how much I was doing it.  It's not really on purpose, but it's kind of a big deal in my life right now.  In fact it's THE biggest deal in my life right now.  Being pregnant has had it's ups and down and provided me with a lot of experiences that from time to time get shared.  It's also possible that because I haven't been able to talk with my mom much since she was out of country for a month that I was trying to catch up on a lot of things.  (Poor girl is still so jet-legged, she was falling asleep by the time she sat down.)  Or it could be the fact that I've been waiting so long to say the words that there's a lot of "I'm pregnant!"s pent up. 

    The real issue for me is that I don't want to become one of those really annoying girls who gets pregnant and talks about it so much it's like she's force-feeding it down your throat and you just want to slap her and walk away.  No, I've never had that feeling before.  ;)  I truly feel incredibly blessed for this opportunity in our married lives and can't wait to meet our little child.  However, I've been in that position where you are stuck sitting and waiting around for my turn while just about everyone else is sharing what's going on in their pregnancy or what their child is doing.  Even if they really aren't doing it (or at least not on purpose), you feel like they are saying, "Neener neener!  I'm pregnant and you're not!  Haha!".  There's a small part of me that feels slightly guilty for receiving this good news when so many are still waiting.  Though I must say, it seems like this baby boom is rubbing off on those of us who have been waiting an extra long time.  A friend of mine is finally pregnant after 12 years!  Awesome!  However, there are still wonderful ladies who are waiting their turn for their first and some even struggling for a second.  My heart breaks and goes out to those of you who are in this situation.  I hope your day comes soon.  I've said this to one friend already, but I have half the box of a month's supply of ovulation tests, that helped me get pregnant, available.  It's cliche, but knowing is half the battle.  Just sayin'.  :) 

    So, basically, if you are around me and the word "pregnant" slips out of my lips frequently and it's driving you crazy, feel free to give me a gentle smack (I am pregnant after all) and walk away.  :)

Surprise, Surprise!

     Well, in case there is any chance that you haven't actually heard the news, I'm pregnant!  It's officially real!  Scary.  I'm due in February and avoiding sharing the actual date so I don't get too much pressure when it actually comes around and start freaking out because it hasn't happened on that day.  I'm letting this little one take the time it needs, within reason of course, and let them tell me when they are ready.  I've started seeing a midwife who is also a naturopath and the goal is a natural water birth at home.  I'm excited, nervous, and anxious all at the same time.  Our lives are going to be changing drastically within the next year.  If you want to read about how I found out and how I told my hubby check out this post on my regular blog.

     I will still be using this blog as much as possible to relay my hopes and fears of getting pregnant and becoming a mommy.  Believe me, there are a plenty.  I'll also be documenting my visits with my midwife, the things we talk about and cover, why I'll be choosing some tests over others.  Posting on both blogs will be difficult though, so don't be surprised if I just end up posting a link to a post every once in awhile.  Anywho, I'm feeling very blessed and have really appreciated the lovely words of Congratulations from everyone who has spotted our news. 

Update

    Last time I wrote I told you all about how anxious I was feeling.  I've been feeling much better since then and have been continuing my weight loss efforts.  As of today, I have nothing to feel anxious about as I have officially lost 41.5 lbs. and my current weight is sitting at 128.5 lbs.  I'm excited and thrilled.  I'm so happy to finally have not only reached my goal, but passed it.  It's wonderful.  For now, I plan on maintaining and maybe someday soon it will lead me to my true ultimate goal of becoming Mommy.  :)

Feeling Anxious

    That's how I'm feeling right this second.  It will probably pass by tomorrow, the next day, or the end of the week.  Not sure yet.  I'm sort of surrounded by babies.  I have two sisters-in-law who are due to give birth pretty much any second, one who just announced a pregnancy and to top it off they found out today they are having twins! (yay), and I'll be attending a baby blessing on Sunday for a brand new nephew.  Anybody wanna take a guess as to why I'm so anxious?  :)  I'm so happy for these wonderful women in my life, but I'm feeling just a little selfish at the moment.  I crave the feeling of joy and excitement and nerve wracking terror that these ladies are experiencing.  Hopefully, that day will come soon enough for me, but I'm just wanting it so much.  Patience was never something I was very good at.  I'll try though. 

    My problem is that I let my envy control me far too much.  Can I just tell you?  I love my life right now.  I always think to myself, "I won the husband lottery."  How on earth did I find this man?  While seeking for my eternal companion, I was pretty jaded along the way.  Who knew that this particular man was being saved just for me?  Was that a tear?  NO!  WHAT?!  Okay, I might tearing up quite a bit.  What can I say?  My husband is truly incredible and I can't believe how blessed I am that we are still, after 4 years of being together and 3 years of that being married, ridiculously, cheesy in love.  That never once has he looked at me and thought I was unattractive, even through all my weight gain.  Is that even possible?!  To this day, I proudly admit that we have never had a fight.  That's not to say we haven't had our share of disagreements or moments of strong frustration, but we've never reached a point where we've raised our voices and things are always resolved quickly.  He constantly thanks me for EVERYTHING I do and I sooo appreciate it. 

    As for the things that don't matter quite as much, we live in a good neighborhood, in a nice home, have a great church family that I'm still enjoying getting to know.  We paid off a credit card and only have one left with debt that will hopefully be paid off within the next year.  There's nothing wrong with our car.  We have some amazing family and friends who are always there to support us.  I lost 35 POUNDS!!!! and now am at my high school weight.  I'm only 5 lbs. away from my goal weight.

    Yeah, I'm blessed.  I'm feeling a little less anxious now.  Thanks for reading my rant.  :)

Mother's Day for the Babyless

    I have to admit that this day was harder than I thought it would be.  I thought I would be able to think of this day as any other and let it just pass by.  However, when I woke up in the morning and I realized that it was my fourth Mother's Day being married and the third in which I thought I would have a true reason to celebrate it, I was saddened by the idea.  Hormones are at work here so that definitely explains a lot of it, but regardless, I wasn't feeling well and neither was Ty and so I was able to avoid the anxiety of being in church with the many mothers.  I don't think I would really want to hear all about how motherhood has been such a blessing to others and how mothers are such amazing people.  Then the awkwardness as kids pass out the designated gifts for mothers and unsure if they should give one to me because I'm without kids.  I'm doing better today, but I just wanted to vent that out of my system.  I really do hope the many mothers around me had a very special Mother's Day and that all of you were spoiled by your husbands and children.  You so deserve it!  :) 

Hello Dear Friends!

    Well, I've been preoccupied and distracted to say the least.  The last four months are all a little bit of a blur to me as I try to recap them in my mind.  I started out the year at 170 lbs.  For a little ol' 5'2" gal like myself that's a whole lot of extra baggage to be carrying around.  It all started when I was dating my now hubby, Ty.  Within our 9 month courtship I gained 5 pounds.  No big deal.  Then we got married and I swiftly settled into how comfortable I was with him and my culinary skills (or lack thereof) were not helping.  We ate out a lot in the beginning and then I discovered a cookbook that helped me come up with a meal plan that really sunk me into a hole full of yummy food and extra weight.  By that Christmas I was already at 150 and by the following summer I was at the heaviest I'd ever been at 170.  UGH.  Not cool Dave.  I lost about 10 pounds after going on a diet "prescribed" to be by my chiropractor.  Then my miscarriage happened and I gained all that back.  I did HCG for awhile, but it wasn't working for me so I left it in the dust.  Deciding I needed to take charge of my weight loss I started working out and counting calories, which helped me loose 9 lbs. and put me back in the mid-150's.  Theeeen Thanksgiving and Christmas happened.  Need I say more?  By New Year's I hit my 170 mark again.  After nearly 4 months I'm back down to 141.5 (almost my wedding weight)! 

    I think you can understand why I've been neglecting this blog quite a bit.  My regular blog has also taken a little bit of a hit considering my weight loss journey has pretty much taken priority over everything.  However, I do need to be better about taking pictures of the other things I do.  Life is amazing right now.  Which is really the basis of this post.  My weight loss has been so consuming  that I haven't given much thought to the whole getting pregnant business.  It's been good to have this project to use as my focus and I will continue concentrating on maintaining once I've lost all of my weight.  It's hard work, but I'm so pleased with how far I've come.  Another benefit to loosing the weight is that once I do conceive, I won't feel as though I have as much to loose as I would if I had gotten pregnant sooner.  Horrah for me!