Where's my "O" day?

    I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since Christmas.  We loved hanging out with family, but it's been so great to be home.  December seemed to fly by and I can tell January is going to be much the same.

    Okay, so about the title.  Though, I was determined to be relaxed and enjoy my husband, I was still a little taunted by the continuous negative results of my ovulation tests throughout December.  I tested every day beginning on Day 10 of my cycle and finished on Day 20.  I can never make sense of those blasted lines that are supposed to give you a quite serious answer, so I use digital ones to be completely sure.  Yes, they are more expensive, but I think it's worth it if I don't have to second guess.  I digress.  Amongst all that testing, I never once saw a positive smiley face.  Whereas, the month previous I did.  Grrrrrrrr.   Then on my Day 30, I had some spotting for about a day and that was it.  Nothing else.  What am I supposed to do with that?!  Lately, I've been feeling pretty tired.  ALL DAY LONG.  It prompts me to think that I might be pregnant, since that's what happened with my pregnancy before.  However, my experience has made me extremely cautious.  I haven't even said it out loud or mentioned it to my hubby.

    For now, I decided I'm going to focus and concentrate on loosing weight.  All that "holiday cheer" I was digesting put me back at my heaviest and I'm wanting to retreat from it as soon as possible.  I've devised a plan and have already put it into action.  Within a couple of weeks (or days if I get too anxious) I'll test and find out for sure if I'm carrying something more than just extra weight.  I'll tell you, it's difficult for me to not daydream that it is and that I can soon facebook announce with everyone else that I've pregnancy news to share.  Thoughts like that can be good, but very dangerous at the same time.  I want to let myself feel that surge of hope and anticipation.  The last 2 1/2 years of disappointment keep me from getting too comfortable with the idea.

    I want to take a minute to thank those who have commented, emailed, and took the time to share your stories with me.  Every time I read something from one of you, my heart grows full and I know that WE are not alone.  We are each unique in our circumstance and situation in life and yet there is one thing that brings us together.  We are women who truly want to be good and loving mothers.  You all have inspired me to not loose hope and carry on.  Did you all know how amazing you are?  Because it's absolutely true!  Thank you again for your love and supportive words.