Update on my crazy

      For those of you who endured my rantings yesterday, you'll be happy to know that I'm feeling better, albeit still continuously emotional.  I've had many, what we called in massage school, ERs.  Otherwise known as Emotional Releases.  It seems I'm no longer capable of watching even the most simplistic of kind gestures on television without my eyes expelling crocodile tears.  However, many of the stresses I had yesterday before my midwife appointment are put to rest and I have calmed from PANIC/STRESS/HOLYCRAZINESS mode to "I'd-like-to-hurry-and-get-this-stuff-done-before-she-gets-here" mode.  I ran off my list of things to my midwife and she was able to give answers I needed to feel at peace with everything.  As my sister-in-law put it, I'm feeling ready to be done and I think it's all just getting to me.  Little things drive me crazy.  This morning our toilet clogged (it's become a repeat offender, but this was really bad) and my husband had to run out to get a better plunger and a "snake" just in case.  He's my Superman and was able to take care of it, but seriously.  Throughout the day there were other things that just made me feel like I wanted to give up.  It just seems like there's always a little something and I so easily fall into the grasps of irritability and frustration.  What can I say?  I have weaknesses.  Which apparently are exacerbated during pregnancy.  Right now, I'm just trying to relax and focus on get the things done that I need to.  Most importantly, I'm going to focus on my little girl being healthy and and what it will be like seeing her beautiful little face. 

Hormontional

      I've prided myself on the fact that I haven't been overly emotional during pregnancy.  I grew up with my dad always telling us to stop crying (I think it was mostly when we were in trouble and he might have thought we were trying to get out of it) and even so I've realized it's okay to cry and let go of the emotions that I'm holding inside, crying is still something I don't do so easily.  Part of it is wanting to avoid the headache that inevitably follows afterwards.  Now that I'm more accepting of my right to cry, I almost wish that I would cry more.  When I'm with others and they are experiencing an emotion that makes them cry, I don't understand why I don't because I feel that emotion.  Well, in the last few weeks I've gained the ability to be weepy over just about anything.

      The worst part is that my hormones are causing this unnatural effect on me.  I'm overwhelmed with so many feelings, most of which I wouldn't classify as positive.  I'm stressing to get everything for her before she gets here.  I hope I have enough clothes, diapers, wipes.  Still trying to figure out what bottles to use (I'm planning on breastfeeding exclusively, but it's always good to be prepared).  There are things I bought used that need to be cleaned (carseat and base, co-sleeper, stroller, pack n' play, and high chair) and going to have to be washed in the bathtub.  We still have to get the birth tub from our midwife and we'll have to clean that and the hose, when we do.  The connector piece she gave us doesn't work with our faucet so I'm not sure what will be done about that.  I'm continuously concerned that our little girl is healthy, strong, and that everything is going alright.  I'm worried if I'm doing everything I'm supposed to to ensure that by eating right.  I'm not always the best at doing this, so I feel guilty.  I've lost some mucus that was light green and from what I've read, it could mean a variety of things; an infection, it could be my mucus plug (apparently they don't have to be white/brown and bloody) and baby could be on her way soon, or baby girl had her first bowel movement.  The different possibilities are making me feel worried and overwhelmed.

      So let's recap.  Overwhelmed, stressed, concerned, worried, guilty, more worried, and more overwhelmed.  Basically, I'm driving myself nuts here.  To add to it, I'm anxious for her to be here and for all this pregnancy discomfort to be over.  Getting all the aforementioned tasks done will provide a great relief.  As will, I'm hoping, the pedicure I have planned for this week.  My toes are looking awful and my feet need some much needed lovin'.

Preview to Motherhood

This last week between Christmas and New Years, Ty and I stayed at his parents house and while there we were able to help his brother and sister-in-law with their month old twin boys. For a few days I was able to take a glimpse into what would be in store for us in only a couple months. I've always loved holding babies and caring forthem, while imagining what life would be like with my own. Hard work and endurance are key players in this game. Somehow, these parents are able to do it with a two year old. No easy task, let me tell you. Twins, on their own, are a tiring challenge. The boys were eating constantly and had diaper changes almost as regularly. Celia and Nathan have formed a schedule of shifts in order to get sleep, while also making sure the babies are taken care of. Ty and I would stay up with Celia during her shift until 3AM before succumbing to the growing call of sleep. The last night we were there, I barely made it as my eyes continually drooped while holding a baby. Out of necessity, Celia pushes through until about 4, when age wakes up Nathan for him to begin his shift.


This schedule continues for them and while it might seem normal for some, consider that TWO babies are been fed about every two hours (if not more frequent), burped, and given diaper changes. I was continually, mentally, giving thanks we are only having the one baby this time. There's barely enough time to take care of your own needs when focusing on one small human, let alone two. At one point I actually managed to feed both babies at the same time. An accomplishment I'm quite proud of. :). Still though, I don't envy the parents of multiples in the least. Mostly, I admire them for their strength and will power and faith that this is all worth it. As the time approaches for our little girl to arrive, I anxiously consider what her temperament will be like and hope she's more like her father than her mother in some ways. She will be loved regardless, but I'm hoping that in amongst the feedings, bathings, and sleepless nights, we will be blessed to have the ability to give her everything she needs and still make just a little room for our own. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone