Feeling Anxious

    That's how I'm feeling right this second.  It will probably pass by tomorrow, the next day, or the end of the week.  Not sure yet.  I'm sort of surrounded by babies.  I have two sisters-in-law who are due to give birth pretty much any second, one who just announced a pregnancy and to top it off they found out today they are having twins! (yay), and I'll be attending a baby blessing on Sunday for a brand new nephew.  Anybody wanna take a guess as to why I'm so anxious?  :)  I'm so happy for these wonderful women in my life, but I'm feeling just a little selfish at the moment.  I crave the feeling of joy and excitement and nerve wracking terror that these ladies are experiencing.  Hopefully, that day will come soon enough for me, but I'm just wanting it so much.  Patience was never something I was very good at.  I'll try though. 

    My problem is that I let my envy control me far too much.  Can I just tell you?  I love my life right now.  I always think to myself, "I won the husband lottery."  How on earth did I find this man?  While seeking for my eternal companion, I was pretty jaded along the way.  Who knew that this particular man was being saved just for me?  Was that a tear?  NO!  WHAT?!  Okay, I might tearing up quite a bit.  What can I say?  My husband is truly incredible and I can't believe how blessed I am that we are still, after 4 years of being together and 3 years of that being married, ridiculously, cheesy in love.  That never once has he looked at me and thought I was unattractive, even through all my weight gain.  Is that even possible?!  To this day, I proudly admit that we have never had a fight.  That's not to say we haven't had our share of disagreements or moments of strong frustration, but we've never reached a point where we've raised our voices and things are always resolved quickly.  He constantly thanks me for EVERYTHING I do and I sooo appreciate it. 

    As for the things that don't matter quite as much, we live in a good neighborhood, in a nice home, have a great church family that I'm still enjoying getting to know.  We paid off a credit card and only have one left with debt that will hopefully be paid off within the next year.  There's nothing wrong with our car.  We have some amazing family and friends who are always there to support us.  I lost 35 POUNDS!!!! and now am at my high school weight.  I'm only 5 lbs. away from my goal weight.

    Yeah, I'm blessed.  I'm feeling a little less anxious now.  Thanks for reading my rant.  :)

Mother's Day for the Babyless

    I have to admit that this day was harder than I thought it would be.  I thought I would be able to think of this day as any other and let it just pass by.  However, when I woke up in the morning and I realized that it was my fourth Mother's Day being married and the third in which I thought I would have a true reason to celebrate it, I was saddened by the idea.  Hormones are at work here so that definitely explains a lot of it, but regardless, I wasn't feeling well and neither was Ty and so I was able to avoid the anxiety of being in church with the many mothers.  I don't think I would really want to hear all about how motherhood has been such a blessing to others and how mothers are such amazing people.  Then the awkwardness as kids pass out the designated gifts for mothers and unsure if they should give one to me because I'm without kids.  I'm doing better today, but I just wanted to vent that out of my system.  I really do hope the many mothers around me had a very special Mother's Day and that all of you were spoiled by your husbands and children.  You so deserve it!  :) 

Hello Dear Friends!

    Well, I've been preoccupied and distracted to say the least.  The last four months are all a little bit of a blur to me as I try to recap them in my mind.  I started out the year at 170 lbs.  For a little ol' 5'2" gal like myself that's a whole lot of extra baggage to be carrying around.  It all started when I was dating my now hubby, Ty.  Within our 9 month courtship I gained 5 pounds.  No big deal.  Then we got married and I swiftly settled into how comfortable I was with him and my culinary skills (or lack thereof) were not helping.  We ate out a lot in the beginning and then I discovered a cookbook that helped me come up with a meal plan that really sunk me into a hole full of yummy food and extra weight.  By that Christmas I was already at 150 and by the following summer I was at the heaviest I'd ever been at 170.  UGH.  Not cool Dave.  I lost about 10 pounds after going on a diet "prescribed" to be by my chiropractor.  Then my miscarriage happened and I gained all that back.  I did HCG for awhile, but it wasn't working for me so I left it in the dust.  Deciding I needed to take charge of my weight loss I started working out and counting calories, which helped me loose 9 lbs. and put me back in the mid-150's.  Theeeen Thanksgiving and Christmas happened.  Need I say more?  By New Year's I hit my 170 mark again.  After nearly 4 months I'm back down to 141.5 (almost my wedding weight)! 

    I think you can understand why I've been neglecting this blog quite a bit.  My regular blog has also taken a little bit of a hit considering my weight loss journey has pretty much taken priority over everything.  However, I do need to be better about taking pictures of the other things I do.  Life is amazing right now.  Which is really the basis of this post.  My weight loss has been so consuming  that I haven't given much thought to the whole getting pregnant business.  It's been good to have this project to use as my focus and I will continue concentrating on maintaining once I've lost all of my weight.  It's hard work, but I'm so pleased with how far I've come.  Another benefit to loosing the weight is that once I do conceive, I won't feel as though I have as much to loose as I would if I had gotten pregnant sooner.  Horrah for me!