To a New Year

       Now that life has come back to normal, I thought I'd check in and update on how I'm doing.  Mostly good.  I have loved the ability to take care of my family.  Anna has been so good and is amazingly smart and funny.  She constantly cracks us up.  We went home for Thanksgiving and stayed here, in Utah, for Christmas.  After this year, we decided that we'll plan on doing it like this every year, depending on our situation.  It was a lot of fun to doing our own traditions and Skyping with families.

      I won't lie to you though.  I've had moments of serious depression.  Looking back on what happened  makes me incredibly sad that I've cried until I felt numb.  I know that everything happens for a reason and I'm okay with that.  I just can't help feeling upset that it happened at all.  Especially, at times when I would have reached certain milestones.  Halloween, I would have announced publicly that I was pregnant.  The Monday before Christmas I would have been 20 weeks and finding out the gender.  It's hard to not feel a certain amount of self pity.  I know I shouldn't, but I'm imperfect. I would be completely dishonest if I said that I'm always okay.  I keep a little piece of what happened with me all the time.

      I still know that there's a someone waiting to join our family, but I don't feel the same amount of urgency that I did before.  For now, I'm taking a break from actively trying to get pregnant.  There's still a good amount of weight for me to lose, so I'm using this New Year to restart that focus.  I've already made plans and set rewards for myself (because that's how I stay motivated).  If I get pregnant before then, then I will be so happy, but I'm not planning anything.  If I don't get pregnant in a few months after losing a good amount of weight, I'll reevaluate things then.  Like I said, right now my focus is on getting back to a better figure.

      I love my little family and I'm excited for it to get bigger.  I hope that through working on my weight, I'll be able to work on my mind and bring it the peace it needs to move on.  This year will be interesting and Ty and I have made a few goals for our family.  Mostly, ways to stay active and places in Utah to go. This will give us an opportunity to get out and enjoy life more fully, together.  As Anna gets older I want her to have memories of us doing things together and I want to be able to keep those things up with any other kids we have.  Here's to a New Year!

Update

    Last time I wrote I told you all about how anxious I was feeling.  I've been feeling much better since then and have been continuing my weight loss efforts.  As of today, I have nothing to feel anxious about as I have officially lost 41.5 lbs. and my current weight is sitting at 128.5 lbs.  I'm excited and thrilled.  I'm so happy to finally have not only reached my goal, but passed it.  It's wonderful.  For now, I plan on maintaining and maybe someday soon it will lead me to my true ultimate goal of becoming Mommy.  :)

Hello Dear Friends!

    Well, I've been preoccupied and distracted to say the least.  The last four months are all a little bit of a blur to me as I try to recap them in my mind.  I started out the year at 170 lbs.  For a little ol' 5'2" gal like myself that's a whole lot of extra baggage to be carrying around.  It all started when I was dating my now hubby, Ty.  Within our 9 month courtship I gained 5 pounds.  No big deal.  Then we got married and I swiftly settled into how comfortable I was with him and my culinary skills (or lack thereof) were not helping.  We ate out a lot in the beginning and then I discovered a cookbook that helped me come up with a meal plan that really sunk me into a hole full of yummy food and extra weight.  By that Christmas I was already at 150 and by the following summer I was at the heaviest I'd ever been at 170.  UGH.  Not cool Dave.  I lost about 10 pounds after going on a diet "prescribed" to be by my chiropractor.  Then my miscarriage happened and I gained all that back.  I did HCG for awhile, but it wasn't working for me so I left it in the dust.  Deciding I needed to take charge of my weight loss I started working out and counting calories, which helped me loose 9 lbs. and put me back in the mid-150's.  Theeeen Thanksgiving and Christmas happened.  Need I say more?  By New Year's I hit my 170 mark again.  After nearly 4 months I'm back down to 141.5 (almost my wedding weight)! 

    I think you can understand why I've been neglecting this blog quite a bit.  My regular blog has also taken a little bit of a hit considering my weight loss journey has pretty much taken priority over everything.  However, I do need to be better about taking pictures of the other things I do.  Life is amazing right now.  Which is really the basis of this post.  My weight loss has been so consuming  that I haven't given much thought to the whole getting pregnant business.  It's been good to have this project to use as my focus and I will continue concentrating on maintaining once I've lost all of my weight.  It's hard work, but I'm so pleased with how far I've come.  Another benefit to loosing the weight is that once I do conceive, I won't feel as though I have as much to loose as I would if I had gotten pregnant sooner.  Horrah for me!

There you have it

    Remember last time I posted about not having my "O" day, but that I had some spotting when I was due for my period?  Well, I tested today (two weeks later) to see if maybe there was something good happening.  Nope.  Once again, I received a negative result.  Ya know, I'm kinda tired of those.  It's really gotten quite old.  At the same time, I think of it as a good thing.  As I try to loose weight right now, it would really hinder me from meeting my goals.  Not that it would be the end of the world.  I would just like to get to a good weight before I pack more on with a baby.  And that's something I NEED to do for me. 

    I've been watching Biggest Loser and this season Sara has touched my heart deeply.  I did a little bit of digging and put the pieces together that she is LDS.  Yay!  We also were both married in March of 2008.  Um, AWESOME.  So basically, we've both been trying to have babies for the same amount of time.  Can you see why I feel so connected to her story?  When I watched the premiere episode and it showed Sarah and her story, I looked at my husband and said NBC were really big jerks.  ;)  I think a lot of women will be able to relate to her story and I'm so glad that she has been brave enough to share it.  You can join Sarah's Facebook fan page here. 

    In the end I want to have the same goal that Sarah has.  Not let the reason I can't carry a baby be my weight.  If my body isn't meant to get pregnant, fine.  However, I won't let it be because of something I could have prevented.  Who's with me?!

Good Start

    Yesterday, I got a good start on getting in shape.  I did about 40 minutes of yoga.  Confession:  It was a pregnancy yoga.  I'm a beginner and I don't know what I'm doing and I found it very relaxing.  I did the "Crunch:  Yoga Momma" on Netflix Instant, if anyone is interested.  Later, I got on my treadmill and did about 25 minutes.  I'm going to try and train myself to actually jog/run a 5k.  I know I can walk it, but I want run it.  Then, when my cute husband got home he and I did some calisthenics and lifted weights for about 20 minutes or so.  It felt really good be active and exercising.  I want to continue this and workout every other day, until I'm super HOTT.